A Whole of The Whole

Table of Contents


1. You Are The Source
It made sense to me that relationships, jobs, and stuff was primary to whether or not I was happy. But I began to discover that these “outside” happenings were not most important. I have begun to see that it’s the inside that matters most to feeling grounded in life, and happy. When I am able to allow myself to Be with my surroundings, rather than trying to force them to satisfy me, I find that the answers are inside me, I find that I am the source.
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2. Writing This Book
Through the tension I caused myself by misusing words to judge, criticize, and blame, I discovered how limited conceptual thinking is. I began to call the symbols used for this thinking “word-tools”. Viewing words as only tools, and coming to see how limited they are, helped me find a new, more-grounded place of Being.
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3. Terminology
This book was written as it flowed out, one section at a time. It’s not linear as perhaps most books are. Once you get a feel for the limitations of word-tools, perhaps by reading through the first fifteen to twenty sections, you could skip around and read whatever section sounds interesting at the moment. Also, carrying a view of words as only approximations, I often grouped many words together to point to the same general idea-arena. With that in mind, I’ve listed terminology to show which words I’ve used as synonyms for the purpose of this book.
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Lost in Concepts

4. What Is a Word?
A word is a symbolic tool created by human beings to indicate something we experience in reality. We generalize and say “All of these things we will call dog, all of those things we will call ball.” A word is a this-not-that categorization that provides a name, a shortcut for communication. It represents, in symbolic form, what we experience. But a word does not carry the fullness of that experience; it holds only narrow slivers of the context from which it was drawn. Each word is a limited, inflexible tool that excludes far more than it includes.
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5. Lost in Concepts
Ten years before this book, it seemed I was almost 100% lost in concepts. Although familiar with where concepts come from, I didn’t see them as a tool, I saw them as the only way to access reality. I believed all truth must be conceptual. If it couldn’t be put into words, with logic to support it, it wasn’t worth considering. But I began to notice that there were so many different versions of “The Truth” around me, and wondered why peoples’ truths could be so seemingly oppositional. As this tense, stressed adult I call “me” became aware of how lost he was, and of the limits of the words he used every day, my life opened up to a feeling of peace and a joyful flow of living that seemed new and wonderful.
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6. Feel Good Now
Using Feel Good Now as a motto helped me develop the ability to stand back from my thoughts and watch them. When I caught myself feeling less good, I could shift attention from what was making me feel bad to something that felt just a little better. I began to see other people, myself, and life differently; and I started enjoying it all so much more.
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Part 2: Connectivity

60. Loving Is Better Than Being Loved
In the tit-for-tat world I see around me, I uncovered something different that made me change my views about the importance of always getting something back for what I gave. Feeling alone after my second divorce helped. Coming out of my rigidly conceptual mindset also helped. As I began to give just because I enjoyed it, I found a new experience connected to letting love inside me flow. Sounds like a song doesn’t it? But, it didn’t come from a song, it came from me living life in a natural way rather than in the restrictive word-tooled way I was so accustomed to.
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61. Narrow In Order to Expand
Word-tools narrow the focus as they zero in on the one generalized grouping that excludes all else. In order to function as shortcuts for actual experience of what’s real, they leave out uniqueness and Connectivity. These communication shorthands expand our lives when we are aware of the limitations. But when we forget the limitations, and pay no attention to the underlying, ultimate purpose of coming in contact with reality, words become tools of distortion and destruction.
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63. Connectivity With-All and With-In
Haunted all my life by the demands of an “ideal self”, I began to uncover another way to live. As I broke through my judgments of other people, to see that there was more than just their surface characteristics, I began to do the same for me inside myself. I broke through many judgments of myself, and took them less seriously as I began to see a deeper self cradled in a sense of peaceful well-being. My relentless and critical shoulds dissipated to the point where I noticed entire days without beating myself down.
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65. From Rigidity to Life – Chocolat the Movie
In this movie, we see people living life based on excluding and restricting – two functions that are embedded in our basic form of communication, our word-tools. Then we see the people loosen-up on clinging to their rigid beliefs and allowing life to flow in. Without explicitly stating it, the movie Chocolat shows people who come to see that life comes first, and that holding word-tools as absolutes restricts life and denies the Connectivity inherent in it.
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66. Indirect Not Direct
Word-tools support my desire to make things happen, to force a preconceived outcome, to control life directly. But life continues to show that I don’t have direct control; my control is indirect. If I step back for a wider than word-tool view, I see that growth happens as a process of nature, not an outcome from an instruction book. I sense that I am like a seed through which my life grows. If I stay in tune with my environment, aware of the multitude of interconnections it holds, I then have a beneficial influence on what happens. But if I try to force my growth, through some form of “single-caused”, direct control, then I diminish my awareness of Connectivity and of the quality of what happens in my life.
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67. My Stories about Their Stories about Me
Guessing what others think of me began as a child when I worried that my mom was angry or sad or happy because of something I did. But these thought-circles depend on holding-tight to a view of separateness. If she is separate and has authority, then it makes sense I’d be worried. As a child, I didn’t know about Connectivity. I had zero awareness that all of us breathe the same air and that we are ultimately more alike than different.
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69. A Goal Without Consequence
Most goals I’ve experienced are fueled by a threat, either of not receiving a reward or of receiving a punishment. Can a goal be fueled by something else? Can I allow my own growth without threatening myself with some negative consequence such as withdrawal of approval? I sense it can be done, but not through strict adherence to a word-tool way of viewing the world. It requires looking beyond our limited tools of communication and bringing back the reality of life that the tools give names to but can never fully represent.
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70. What Mattered Then What Matters Now
In seeing everything only through conceptual filters, what mattered most was the differences between the groupings of concepts. Good versus bad, earners versus moochers, lazy versus hard-working – all are forms of one grouping against another. And I discovered that all are prejudices I didn’t want to admit to. I was unaware of what was actually important to me when I used concepts to put myself above others and above reality itself. Discovering the this-not-that nature of word-tools, along with a feeling of Connectivity with people and the rest of reality, shined a light on what was important to me deep down: it was the core goodness, the Being, and all the uniqueness I had been blinded to. Instead of using my conceptual groupings as tools, I had allowed them to use me.
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71. Comprehensiveness – Parts and Wholes
I get so easily trapped in the should of making sure I make the right choice or the most all-encompassing assessment of a situation. It boils down to me feeling pressed to check every possible option or variable. I feel I must make sure I don’t miss something important. It’s a form of perfection I call comprehensiveness. Caught in the swirling flux of all the fabricated stuff around me contributes to my confusion. I forget that the pieces we put together to create fabricated stuff pulls my attention away from the source of it all: nature. I forget that nature is moving and growing, and I forget that it is not the result of a manufacturing process. Realizing this has helped me acknowledge and trust the wholes of nature as I acknowledge and trust the vastness of what I don’t know.
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72. To Identify Is To Follow the Crowd
I thought I was unique in viewing myself as “quietly rebellious” and “intellectual”. Identifying with these traits, I thought of myself as different from and better than others. I realized with surprise that I was actually the same as most people because the process of identifying is what most people do. Identifying is not only trapping myself into a view that is constricted by the very word-tools I use, it is also a form of following the crowd.
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